I read something this morning that lifted my spirits, a quote by Stephen King: “The only mortal sin is giving up.”
Thank you Mr. King, I needed this today.
The last four weeks have been hard. I am waiting for a decision. It’s nothing earth-shattering. I applied for a job. Still, a “yes” will be life-changing. It will mean to be able to move back home, be amongst my most trusted friends and family, and do something I like doing (whilst also having enough time, energy, and money to continue with publishing my book).
As I wait, all seems to come to a standstill. I can’t help but be obsessively focused on the question of what the answer will be. Time seems to stretch and everything seems to slow down to a crawl slower than that of a tortoise on diazepam.
Of course, I am aware that life will continue and our planet will still rotate no matter what will happen.
So I breathe, do gardening, read, cuddle my cats, and gaze into the eyes of the woman I love. As the weeks pass and my sense of insecurity grows, I remind myself that I am worthy. I have done all I could, shown an immense amount of motivation and dedication. All else is out of my hands.
Some years ago, when equally important decisions loomed, I painted myself, standing firm, enveloped by huge waves crashing all around me. That time has come again: to stand firm, believe in myself and have faith in the ways of the world.