Yesterday, at a Diversity & Inclusion event at the University of St. Gallen, I spoke with some students. One young man in particular asked me a million questions. He wanted so much advice, I didn’t really know where to start. So I opted for being honest about the fact that we adults don’t really always have it all together either…
He is almost done with his Bachelor, and full of anxiety because he hasn’t found an internship yet or a job. He feels all these societal pressures. Also the pressure he puts himself under to be successful. And he was like, “What if I turn 30 and by then don’t own an apartment, and aren’t well on my way, up the career ladder?”
His thoughts resonated and I remembered the many times over the years, I’ve felt like I couldn’t measure up to my peers who drive big expensive cars, have houses, motorbikes, and families. Truth is, even though I’ve worked like a horse all my life, I’ve never really had what many would call a career.
Furthermore, life happened, and over the course of my marriage as well as during Covid, I lost every single penny of savings I had painstakingly saved over the years. Almost 100’000 Euros and 30 years of saving… poof… just gone… I’m 54 now. I don’t own anything. I don’t have savings. I don’t even have pension savings anymore… because everything evaporated into thin air. And sometimes, admittedly, I’m scared.
I shared this with the young man, and told him honestly, “You have no idea how many times I’ve felt like a complete failure. Because materialistically I can’t measure up to society around me. Often, when people (without being aware they do) show me all they have, I think, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ But maybe, the question we need to ask ourselves is – what is success?”
He looked at me… asked many more questions, and I continued, in an attempt to let him know there are no perfect solutions…
“We all have different journeys. Mine was more diverse than most. I didn’t experience safety in my life. I was homeless most of the time. So, I moved all around the world, from profession to profession. Following my heart. Along the way, I learned a lot. I’ve grown massively. I’ve been able to listen, inspire, hold people when they needed to be held. I’m a good man, a good friend. I was a good husband, even if my marriage ended up going completely down the gutter. I have amazing friends in my life. I feel joy when I see a butterfly, or when a raindrop lands on the tip of my nose. I feel happiness when someone hugs me, or flashes me a surprising, beautiful smile.
Overall, I’d say I’ve been and I am successful. Even if I still feel like a failure, lonely, and scared many times when I see people with their stable incomes, organized lives, and safe structures. But then again, what is safety? What is success? It’s all quite fragile and not ours to have complete control over anyways. Anything can happen at any moment. And it all disappears. So, all I can do, all I know how to do is the best I possibly can. Be truthful, authentic, kind. And never give up. That’s the only way I know how to define my success.”